Pay Check
by Dama-isa
Summary: Question: b times the quantity of money cubed plus work to the seventh equals...Pay Check
1. Chapter 1

Pay Check

I picked up the piece of paper attached to my desk, reluctant to read the message.

Dear Workers,

I expect to see all of you in the main building at 8:00 sharp immediately after the side shop's closing time tomorrow. Wear something casual… no really, dressing to impress won't help you.

-With much hate,

Tsunade

I read the message repeatedly before coming to a completely relevant conclusion: being new sucked. It was my first day at the world's largest mall and joining company- the mall of which Tsunade had just called a shop- and I knew that if it was anything like my other jobs, I had about six more days before I was sacked.

My 'partner' as Tsunade called it, was my buddy Kiba. He'd signed for the job along with me and, fortunately, was paired to be my partner. At first I thought the idea of partners was a load of bull until an older worker explained they were either your damnation or your redemption point.

Your partner was in charge of telling Tsunade were your ass was when you weren't there on a work day whether she knew or not. If she caught you lying [she refuses to tell whether or not your partner called in] you are sacked on the spot. If you give your partner a bad alibi there's a good chance they'll be in a much worse place the next time they take a 'day off'. However, if you and your partner are friends you've got little to worry about.

Speak of the dog-fanatic boy, here he was now. Kiba ran up to me, brown hair moving with his long strides.

"Naruto!" he yelled despite the fact he was right in front of me, it was hard not to strangle him. "Did you get a note?" He asked somewhat quieter.

I nodded.

"Was it from the boss?"

I nodded.

"Should I go for dressy casual?"

I nodded.

"You aren't even listening are you?"

I nodded.

"Are you going to keep nodding?"

I nodded.

"You want me to tell Lee you wanna join him in his eternal quest for youth?"

I frowned and glared at my friend.

"You wouldn't dare." I whispered menacingly.

Kiba laughed. "Much better, anyway, should I dress up?"

I stared at the fool. "Did you even read the note? Of course not!"

"Thanks man!" Kiba yelled, seeing as he was already sprinting off.

I sighed and shook my head, I was too nervous to talk to Kiba normally, what I wouldn't do for a bowl of ramen. I walked up the stairs to the sixth floor slowly, dreading the professional air I knew would be in such a place. I turned onto the hall, waiting to hear the soft tapping of keyboards. And indeed I was greeted with-

"MY GOD, KAKASHI IF YOU DON'T PUT THAT DAMN PORN DOWN I'LL KNEE YOU SO HARD YOUR ADOPTED CHILDREN WON'T GIVE BIRTH! MALE OR FEMALE! TAKE OFF THAT FUCKING MASK! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ESCAPING THROUGH THAT WINDOW! THIS IS THE SIXTH FLOOR GODDAMMIT!"

I stared at the pink haired woman chasing either a grandpa or albino around. I raised a hand to announce my awesome presence was about to enter the room when another voice blared out.

"I DARE you Sakura! I fucking DARE you to touch him! I don't care what you do with his body but remember the man-jewels are MINE! All offense to them I take personally!"

"Shut up Iruka! Why is it that you only start talking when I threaten to castrate him!"

"er…" I whispered quietly.

"ALLA YOU SIT THE HELL DOWN! WE HAVE A NEW PARTNER IN CRIME….er….member, I was going to say member."

"Nobody listens to you Shizune, just sit down and shut up."

I watched in awe as a pen implanted itself into a now shrieking pinkette's forehead. It was a large target but still…

"Ahem!" I coughed loudly. Everyone [except the screaming pink-head] turned to me. "'The awesomeness that is Uzumaki Naruto has arrived! Please restrain all impulses to kneel on the floor and kiss his feet! No he is not God, though he is mistaken for him often! No, his hair was not made of particles of the sun; it's far too cool for that. Yes, you may worship him."

The office was completely silent and I began to feel somewhat self-conscious when the man named Iruka spoke up.

"…So where is he?"

The occupants of the office descended into laughter and I couldn't help but chuckle embarrassedly.

*Dollars-Yen-Euro-Rupees-Lek- Dinar-Kwanza-Peso-Dram-Guilder-Taka- Ruble-Franc-Ngultrum- Marka*

The workday had been hectic; during the last hour everyone had suddenly sobered up and went into work overdrive. Thus, three days of late work was finished in sixty minutes. I walked up the three flights of stairs needed to reach my apartment's door.

Twisting the key in the lock, I flopped onto my bed, exhausted. I sighed contentedly as sleep took over; it was nice to relax…

-7 hours into the future.-

I woke up at seven in the morning- exactly one hour and thirty minutes to get to work.

Shit.

I jumped in the bathroom managing to shower in less than five minutes and dry my hair in hyper-drive. Racing against the clock I deodorized myself while cooking breakfast and ate an egg sandwich while dressing.

Twenty minutes to get to work which was fourty minutes away. I breathed out; there was only one thing to do. I picked up my phone and held it to my ear, whispering one word as the individual I was calling answered.

"Gaara."

*Dollars-Yen-Euro-Rupees-Lek- Dinar-Kwanza-Peso-Dram-Guilder-Taka- Ruble-Franc-Ngultrum- Marka*

I hoped out of the well-kept Lexis happily, turning back to my favorite speeding red-head.

"Thanks, Gaara; I don't know how to pay you back…"

He stared at me with a very, very, very small grin.

"Try not screaming like a little girl when I drive fifty miles above the speed limit just to save your ass."

With that he drove off and I waited to flip him off when his car was out of sight. Honestly I had gotten to work ten minutes early. I'm allowed to scream a little. I took the elevator this time and turned into the office to see a black bird sitting on the windowsill….oh wait no… that was hair.

The person on the window however had their eyes closed not to mention they were gorgeous. It stirred something deep within me and I just wanted to…

To…

To push him out of the window.

Seriously, who falls asleep in the SIXTH FLOOR WINDOW! It's like asking to be pushed. I could see the headlines now: Cockatoo bird-man falls to his untimely death for his stupidity!

I walked stealthily to the window and shoved him. Hard.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no murderer and I didn't want kill him…just…break him a bit. Which was why I wasn't expecting him to be awake and latch onto my arm, pulling me with him. We both screamed as we fell the long distance downwards to our deaths….and hit a metal canopy not even a floor down.

The bird-man looked up at me, his eyes blazing in anger.

"THIS is why I told Tsunade to stop hiring fucking PSYHCOS! You do understand that was a murder attempt right? You could have fucking KILLED ME! This is why I don't come to work anymore, this isn't a hospital, a mall, or even a business building- it's an ASYLUM! I ALMOST FUCKING DIED!"

He breathed heavily for some moments before I gave him a pat on the shoulder and said.

"You're still alive though!"

He glared.

"I swear, I'm going to push you off this building…"

I held up my hands in surrender.

"Hold it, I'm the one doing the possible murder here- not you."

He continued to glare.

And glare.

And glare.

And glare until I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled out a pen from my briefcase which was miraculously still attached to my arm and steeled myself for all the blood he would spew while I gouged out his eyes. I crossed myself three times and lunged at him and managed to stop the pen a mere inch from his right eye.

He breathed in and out for several moments and I scooted back at the aura of hatred surrounding him.

"DID YOU HEAR A SINGLE WORD I SAID? STOP TRYING TO FU-"

"Sasuke stop taking your PMS out on the newbie. Why are you down there anyway?"

Thank God for Shizune.

"H-he pushed me out the w-w- window!" I wailed but my raucous laughter proved that to be a lie.

Shizune smiled, "I like you kid, here's a hand, if you stand up you should be able to reach it."

Shizune pulled me up and left Sasuke to Sakura. I ignored their hulk-like strength and got to 'work'. The day moved on quickly and soon…

*Dollars-Yen-Euro-Rupees-Lek- Dinar-Kwanza-Peso-Dram-Guilder-Taka- Ruble-Franc-Ngultrum- Marka*

"You may all sit down." The Creator-of-breasts told us.

We obeyed.

"Raise your hand if you like the company so far."

All hands went up.

"Raise your hand if you're nervous right now"

Half the room raised their hands.

"Raise your hand if you want to know why you're here"

All hands went up.

"Raise your hand if you don't really give a damn you just want to get this over with."

Only one hand was left standing.

Tsunade glared at the sleepy-eyed male and ordered icily, "You may stay after the meeting."

The rest of the meeting went smoothly. She told us her expectations, took questions, and gave us some information on the company. Then she told us that the position under her was open for grabs. Then she assigned it to the lazy guy upon the reason –and I quote- "are you kidding me? All of you wanted to know what the hell I called you for and then leave. He was the only one with the balls to admit it though".

I officially hate Shikamaru.

*Dollars-Yen-Euro-Rupees-Lek- Dinar-Kwanza-Peso-Dram-Guilder-Taka- Ruble-Franc-Ngultrum- Marka*

Ten minutes later

Shikamaru just gave me five dollars to buy ramen because I was broke. We're best friends.

Gaara dropped by to pick me up since I didn't have a car being that he brought me. Kiba attempted to come with us and was promptly kicked out of the car.

Finally, some forty minutes later [Gaara drove the speed limit!], I arrived home and fell asleep not bothering to set my alarm.

A/N: Well that's the first chapter. Also I realized some people have been leaving this message at the bottom of their stories:

Review and join the dark side. We have cookies.

I'm nice enough to inform you that that is a lie. If you click the review button below you automatically join the Light side and get a free taco or pasta dish with it. So review and get your food.

-Dama-Signing out.


	2. Chapter 2 Finding Nemo Dead

Pay Check

Chapter Two- Finding Nemo Dead

"Uzumaki Naruto, please report to floor three, section one, men's clothing area."

I glanced up at the speaker,

"And how do ya' expect me to get there HUH!" I yelled angrily. "This place is ENORMOUS and the workers don't get a directory!"

"Chicken-head go help Fish-pasty find floor three, section one." Iruka said calmly, typing away on his computer.

Sasuke glared at Iruka, "Don't call me that! And why me?"

Iruka motioned towards Shizune absently, "Shizzy- run has a present for you if you do."

Shizune glanced at Iruka in bewilderment, "I do not!" she snapped.

Sasuke grumbled something about 'not being a little kid who liked presents' but motioned for the me to follow him.

"Uzumaki Naruto, please disregard your summoning and stay where you are and I swear Jiraiya if you call another worker as a model for your porn-"

The office was silent for a long moment and I was mildly disturbed.

"Who's…Jiraiya…?" I asked hesitantly.

Sakura grinned, "A porn artist. Apparently, he thinks you're good enough to model."

"I AM good enough! I'm large, and hot, and smexy, and gorgeous! I think I'll go accept his off-"

"It's gay porn." Sasuke interrupted.

"er…Say what?"

"It's. GAY."

I cringed.

"Porn." Sasuke finished. With a smirk the raven stared at me.

"Gay."

I flinched.

"GAY!"

I spasmed.

"Gay. gay, gay, gay, GAY, GAY!"

I couldn't be blamed for my actions as I lunged for Sasuke's throat. Just before I got my hands around his neck Shizune interrupted.

"Naruto why does the word 'gay' make you twitch?"

"I had a bad experience in high school."

Shizune raised one slim brow, "Explain?"

"Yes," Sasuke interjected, "Please explain why you keep trying to kill me!"

I sighed, "People always called me gay and so I was chased home every day by the homosexuals of our school because I was 'cute'. It was an all-boys school so five sixths of the boys were gay and one half of the 'straight' boys were bi. Sometimes, when I didn't run fast enough, they'd catch me and simply kiss me over and over again…..oh yeah Sasuke? I try to kill you a lot because it's fun. You should try it sometime."

With that I walked back to my cubicle, ignoring Shizune's gape and Sasuke's Uchiha Death Glare™ I began my usual flow of random chatter. Eventually the office settled into work mode- Iruka typed out documents that Sakura folded as they rolled out of the printer. Shizune placed each document in an envelope before handing it to Sasuke to stamp. Kakashi (who strolled in an hour late) wrote addresses on each envelope before handing the envelope to me. I kept up an endless flow of chatter as I organized the envelopes by country, then city.

Finally, Iruka stretched and cracked his neck, we had finished. I organized the last few envelopes, still jabbering. Shizune jerked her hair out of its bun and snapped at her partner, Sasuke.

"Shut Blonde Boy Wonder up and I'll make a cover story for you to miss work twice."

Sasuke groaned as he stood and stretched, sauntering over to the chair I inhabited. He placed one knee in the chair and settled his hands on my shoulders. Slowly, my voice died out as he leaned down to my ear, breathing warmly on the shell.

"If you don't keep that mouth closed, little blonde, I'll find it something…better to do."

I gaped silently as Sasuke removed himself from me and smirked at Shizune.

"I'm taking the next two days off." He said as he left the office.

My mouth stayed open as Iruka discussed repainting the white office some other color, and as all the other workers packed up to leave. In fact, I stayed in that chair until the janitor came to turn the lights out.

Then I went to my car and gaped some more.

Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama Dama

I froze as I stepped out of the elevator into the (white) hallway. I watched as Sakura and Shizune hauled a cubicle out of the office and lined it up beside several others. A suspiciously headache inducing scent tickled my nose and it took me a moment to realize what it was: Paint.

I ran into the office, gawk at the ready, only to find two of the upper half of the originally white walls blue. Iruka glanced my way, violet paint in hand, and called cheerily,

"Naruto! Grab a brush and help out!"

"What are you doing?" I asked, still taking in my surroundings.

Suddenly, Iruka's cheery smile disappeared and he snapped, "I'm painting! What does it look like! Can't you see this paintbrush! Can't you see the _wall! _Hurry up and help out!"

I felt a hand push my jaw back up and looked over to Kakashi.

"It's that time of month." The white haired man said, clasping my shoulder.

"Ah," I said with a understanding nob to Kakashi's retreating figure before what he said sunk in. "Iruka's not even female!" I yelled.

Kakashi ignored me and I sighed, walking back into the office to help the rest of my work mates.

~.~.~

I couldn't help but laugh at the finished product of our office. I stared contently at the upper half of the wall where, emblazoned in bubble letters was 'Finding Nemo'. The upper half of Nemo was his normal orange and the fish looked ridiculously joyful. I let my eyes drift down to the bottom half that we'd painted with oil stains and such around the word 'Dead' in gothic letters. The lower half of Nemo was indeed dead, nothing more than his bones and…bones.

Iruka peeked into the office. "Naruto, I don't care how much you like the mural if I have to tell you to leave the office one more time Imma pop you one. Paint can make you pass out y'kmow!"

I ighed and gave Iruk a dry look. "I'll leave if you never use the term 'Imma pop you one' again."

Iruka smiled, "Deal."

At that moment Sasuke entered the office. "What the fuc-"

"I thought you were taking today off too." I said.

He glanced at me. "I had a feeling of deep foreboding."

"Was it right?" I asked.

"Yes." He whispered in dejection. "Nemo's dead."

A/N: YAY! Chapter two is out! Ashen sign in I hate writing review responses in the chappie. Anyway, I wanna thank Rizember, Ashen Warrior, Sasalia32, and Khandalis for convincing me to continue this fic.

-Damadama!


	3. Chapter 3 Filler For the Win

Pay Check

Chapter Three- Filler For the Win

Naruto hummed as his typed in the small office of a large facility. Today he had learned the company….store…mall…thing's name.

"Konaha Incorporation…" he whispered with a smile. Before, when one wanted to go to the mall, one called it the mall. There was no need for a name- it was the only one in the village; however, as the mall grew, it became an even more useless to give it a name. it was _the _mall. That's all anyone needed to know.

Now, Naruto asked;

"Would you like to go to Konoha Inc.'s mall?"

Oh, he felt _so _polished and elite now. So much so that the blonde had completely stopped typing as he giggled madly. Shizune looked up from her stamping before, with a sigh, she addressed her colleagues.

"Okay, bluff's up guys…who gave Blondie coffee?"

There was a loud chorus of "Not I, Mother Hen" 's that didn't include a dark haired, pale skinned man. Shizune made an aggravated movement,

"Saskue."

The man saw fit not to reply and continued checking documents feverishly.

"Sasuke."

At the rate the man was going he would finish _everything _they had to do today. That was pushing it.

"Uchiha! I swear, if you _dare _finish you're work I'll kill you We are known for being lazy if we finish something on time Tsunade-sama will get," here Shizune shivered, "-Expectaions."

The other workers in the room booed loudly, more than used to this argument.

"Maybe if we actually met deadlines, we'd get raises." Sasuke snapped.

"Hooray!" Naruto yelled, as he'd become accustomed to doing to keep things fair as one squealy blonde equals and office full of pessimistic slackers.

"Raises mean nothing we get paid enough as is" Shizune yelled.

She was met with the formidable opponent of silence, not even the peanut gallery spoke. Suddenly, everyone in the office began to work at a breakneck pace; Nemo glaring at them menancingly.

Some two hours later Shizune flopped back, content, she looked as Sasuke.

"If this is what giving Naruto coffee does…never do it again."

"I didn't do anything!" The blonde protested.

"We can tell." Sasuke drawled as he stared at the minimal amount of work Naruto had done.

Naruto grinned and pressed the undo button, causing all his work to reappear before he saved it. Sasuke grumbled about stupid tricks as he stood to leave.

"Saaaaaassssuuke?" Sakura whined, batting her eyes at the duck-headed male.

"Slut of the City?" he replied, then, "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I meant, no. Whatever you want- no."

"Duckbutt!"

"Yes, Naruto?"

Naruto blabbed uselessly as he and Sasuke left the office simply for the look of pure rage on Sakura's face.

"Anyway," Naruto said after they got on the elevator to leave, "Me and my crew are having a party."

"So…?"

"And you're invited."

"N-"

"Thanks for agreeing I'll see you later." Naruto interrupted, hopping out of the elevator which had conveniently opened at the perfect moment. He ignored Sasuke's angry quaking as he called Gaara.

"Prince of sand here." Gaara answered.

"Hey Gaara, just wondering if you were gonna pick me and Kibbles up."

A sigh. "Naruto we do this _every day_! You've had this job for….ninety, no, ninety-one days now! I've picked you up for ninety of them. Yet, for your benefit, yes- just like always- I'll pick you up and shove Kiba out of the car okay?"

"Okay, thanks Gaara- you're the best!"

"You always say that. Every. Single. Day. Even when you don't have work." The redhead grumbled as he hung up.

Naruto smiled as Kiba ran towards him, "Gaara said he'd pick us up!" he lied smoothly.

"Me too?" Kiba gasped doubtfully as he reached the blonde.

"Yup," Naruto lied, "But you should schedule another ride just in case."

Kiba stared for a moment before hitching a ride with one of his coworkers, Kankuro. To Naruto, he called over his shoulder,

"Naruto, we do this _every day_! I know he's not picking me up. Peace out, I'll see you at the party on Friday."

"Seriously, people don't understand jokes that don't get ol- shit! Sasuke doesn't know what time the party is! Or the day for that matter!" The blonde pondered this for a moment before shrugging and running over to the gorgeous green Ferrari.

Naruto slid into the passenger seat with a small smile to his token redhead, "Were you on the road when I called?"

"No, I'd just woken up."

"Gaara, it's been exactly twelve minutes."

"Sorry, it took me two to get dressed."

"….What were you driving at?"

"Shut up Naruto- I didn't get caught."

"What were you driving at?"

The engine roared as they sped off.

Naruto screamed.

_**A/N: This is important.**_

I've been away for awhile. I was on a trip, which would've pretty beast by the way if not for the reason, to Canada. Where I stayed until my Grandma passed. To be completely serious, this fiction may not say it,but it's crack. It's hard to write crack when someone dies. I didn't know her all that well but I will miss her. I'll try to update soon with a longer chapter but I'm in a serious funky mood lately.

So sorry,

Dama


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